The things Shawn & Karla’s Señorita lead to!
It’s time for some creative
writing listening, ONTD. What if some songs were sung by people that can actually sing? And/or aren’t absolute assholes? Who knows what could happen! For your consideration, a selection of who could improve some songs, and ..what definitely wouldn’t.
Improvement: plenty of ways, and I can’t help wondering why Shawn is admitting to loving being called señorita but hey. What if Carly Rae Jepsen & SZA would do the vocals here? At the very least when I’d sing along, I wouldn’t be the best vocalist out of three. And the world always needs more wlw-friendly music.
Make it worse: James Charles & Lana del Rey trying to out-sigh and squeak each other
Improvement: no, I’m not complaining about this song, hell, of course not, I want to come back here. But try to imagine Gorillaz scream-fighting themselves through
“Slam it to the left
If you’re havin’ a good time
Shake it to the right
If ya know that you feel fine
Chicas to the front
Ha ha (uh uh)
Make it worse: Ariana Grande and Black Eyed Peas trying to make this cooler than it already is.
Improvement: can this be improved? Maybe become less greasy? Much sexier? Please let Adam Lambert (vocal reach, drama reach) and Janelle Monae (vocal reach, drama reach, sexy) have a turn. I can already see a glam space opera-like video. HIRE ME.
Make it worse: Ed Sheeran. Like .. oof. Don’t spend too much brain space on that image. Who’s going to sing “Will you love me forever?” full of fury and despair? Selena Gomez, of course!
To circle back to where we started, and only because I’m 0,0000001% Spanish I can do this
Improvement: Chloe x Halle. They’re still babies so I don’t want to describe in detail how sexy this could be, but can you imagine how sexy this would be. “Fellows, good night. Ladies, good morning.” WINK.
Make it worse: Justin Bieber. He may have found God, but he still hasn’t found a way to be sexual and sensual that doesn’t look like a Vanilla Ice-cosplay.
Now it’s your turn, kids! Which songs deserve better? Which artists need to branch out? And how long will you have nightmares of Ed S. doing a Meatloaf-cosplay?